So, as I mentioned in my earlier blog, I am a little stressed. I am going to do my best to explain why.
Grief:- This is a largely contributing factor. I lost my grandfather, just before christmas, his death was a shock to all of us, yes he was elderly, but we just didn't expect it. We were looking forward to a lovely christmas meal with both grandparents. Another extended family member died the day after, I can't begin to imagine what it is like for the people who were close to both of them. My mum is obviously grief stricken at the moment, and it is hard to see her go through that. I just wish I wasn't so busy with work, I would be spending time with her, helping her the heal the wounds. I could probably do more to help, but I just can't take that burden with all my baggage.
Work stress:- I have a good job, I just don't like it. I really can't deal with shifts, I suffer from insomnia at the best of times. I can't and won't take sleeping tablets, because I just wouldn't be able to function during the day. It's a manual job and the shifts are long. I hate hospitals anyway, and I have to deal with certain bodily fuctions that I really detest. If I had an office job, I would definitely be more in my element. I am not saying I hate my job, because I would be a liar, I do actually like my job, I love the satisfaction of helping people in their time of need, but it's an emotionally challenging job. Particularly when a patient you have been caring for dies, and you have to prepare the body for the morgue. That really brings alot of sadness. I had to grow up fast when I started doing this sort of job, I really bow down to the people who make a career of it. I know alot of people say, 'why do you work in a field you don't like?', well the answer is I ahve no choice. I need a job, this is a field that always needs workers, and the fact is I'm good at my job, else I wouldn't be in the emergency department. I am taking this sort of work as a means to an end, I am doing my degree whilst I work and I will eventually wind up in my dream job. You can never get anywhere with your backside plastered to the sofa.
Being a student:- I have a full time manual shift workers job, and I am studying for a Batchelors in Modern Foreign Languages. The Languages being French and German, and I am considering doing the beginner course in Welsh as a minor. I am also teaching myself Swedish and Finnish. It's tough going, considering I can barely speak a word of French and my year 2 course in French started on Saturday. I went to Belgium and Luxembourg as an impromptu honeymoon lat year and after a few days I started to get to grips with the langauge, but for some reason I always forget French. This year I am going to try really hard to get some half decent grades, and the fact I find French the hardest of all my languages might help me to get my self in gear. I have always been able to bluff my way through courses and exams, not anymore!
Owning my own business:- I own a business in alternative fashion, it's kind of on the back burner at the moment, but I hope to drag myself to the workdesk again soon! It's a bit difficult with my life being in cardboard boxes right now!
Living away from my husband:- As I posted earlier, my husband and I are apart, we have relocated and as I have the steady job, I am stuck here, working to pay the ruddy bills. He has a job there, but he is waiting to start. I am also living with my parents, which is fine, it's actually quite nice being in my childhood home once more, but obviously I feel like I am in the way.
Money:- This is the big one! I am always stressed about money!
Well this is all I can think of for now.
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